I distinctly recall, pertaining to another artist who left too soon, how much I cried when Amy Winehouse died in 2011. I met and knew her before she was famous, n late 2003, when she used to sing in bars in Camden, where I lived, near the Hawley Arms pub. Such a sweet, shy girl; so incredibly witty and funny. Every now and then we would bump into each other in the Camden night over the years.
I knew her struggle too well, because at the time, I too was going through drug addiction as a coping mechanism for other stresses (not fame, in my case).
I remember when Blake was in prison, she was so, so lonely, and one night we ran in to each other — The Hawley Arms was her “second home” where she had a corner of it always reserved for her, away from the crowd — and that cold November night me and her were slamming down shots of tequila at the bar between lines in the toilet, and she she said to me, in these exact words I remember to this day:
“I dunno if I can do this much longer, Pee Pee (her affectionate name for me). It’s like the whole fucking world is on a feeding frenzy and I’m their main fucking course. The way its going, there won’t be nothing left for dessert.”
“So why don’t you call it a day, sweets? Just walk away!” I said. “Put in some you time, fuck knows you need it!”
“I can’t, babe. It’s that cunt ______ (record industry person I cannot name). It’s in my contract. Can’t pullout for another three years, plus… I owe ‘em a new record and my life’s a mess, I can’t write jack shit, now.”
Our mood cheered up after a bit, and we talked about Reg, and how he was he was helping her get her act together.
This was about a year before Universal forced her to tour while she was still on alcohol and drug rehab… the ill fated Belgrade concert. Another sensitive soul devoured by the capitalist machine. :( I miss the sound of your laugh, girl… it used to light up a room like a crackling fresh bolt of lightning.
Thank you for this article. A painful reminder… a cautionary tale for those to come. I feel your sadness, Bertilla :(
